


End Of Days

by Higgles123



Series: Tommy Shelby one shots [5]
Category: Peaky Blinders (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-09
Updated: 2019-10-09
Packaged: 2020-11-28 10:07:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20964785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Higgles123/pseuds/Higgles123





	End Of Days

It was the middle of the night, yet the darkness that cloaked the bedroom was nothing compared to the darkness inside Tommy’s head. He reached for you and when he kissed your neck, you murmured sleepily. His hands roamed every inch of your body while his mouth sought out yours for the gentlest of kisses. His tongue danced with yours, savouring you while his hands memorised you. Every curve, the faint silver bumpy lines on your hips and stomach; the ever present reminders of the life the two of you had created four years ago. Tommy had lost count of the number of times you had cried over those marks when you saw them. But he would simply shake his head and tell you to wear them proudly. Just as he wore his own scars as proud reminders of the things he had overcome. You had born another human and that was perhaps the greatest feat that anyone on earth could achieve.

You were still half asleep when Tommy slid inside you but that only increased the sense of pleasure. Kissing your eyes, your nose, your cheeks, Tommy sat up with you, holding you as close as was humanly possible and kissed your neck, breathing in your sweet scent while he moved you slowly on top of him. In that state somewhere between consciousness and not, you didn’t notice the way he squeezed at you desperately. You didn’t notice the way he blinked back the tears forming in his eyes. You didn’t notice the way he closed his eyes in pain when you moaned his name.

Afterwards, as you lay satiated and purring while you curled up against his chest, sleep claiming you once more, Tommy held you close. He listened to the gentle rhythm of your breathing and he traced the soft pout of your thoroughly kissed lips and the way your face was devoid of any stress. You were so peaceful and content. This was how he would remember you. Well loved and more beautiful than the first flower in spring.

He dressed and left you with a butterfly of a kiss. You didn’t even stir. Upon reaching the door, he looked back at you once, his eyes lingering upon you for the last time.

Tommy padded quietly down the hallway. Dressed only in his vest and trousers, his feet were bare making his footsteps soundless on the hard wooden floor. He paused at a door and traced his finger over the wooden plaque that he had himself bought on a business trip only weeks before. _Evelyn_. His sweet summer time child; the apple of his eye. Would she miss him? Would she remember him? In time, would she forget the sound of his voice? The way he smelled? The way he would awaken in the middle of the night just to watch her sleep and marvel at the miracle he had created with the woman he loved? He pushed open her door and kneeled by her bed. He pushed back the sweaty mop of hair from her forehead and kissed the sweet soft skin there.

“Daddy?” she croaked groggily, her small hand reaching up to cup his cheek.

“Ssh, sweetheart,” he whispered, smiling down at her. “Go to sleep.”

“I love you Daddy,” she yawned.

Tommy turned his head to kiss her little palm. “I love you too, _chavi_. Now you’re going to be a good girl and go back to sleep, aren’t you?”

“Are _you_ going back to sleep?” she asked.

“Soon,” Tommy assured her. “I’ve just got something to do. But you, my little monster, need to get yourself to sleep so you can grow big and strong.”

“And I have to eat all my vegetables,” she grinned.

“That’s right, poppet,” he smirked as she lay back down and pulled her little ragdoll into her arms. The adoration shining out of her face directed towards him was too much for him. He was undeserving of it. Yet she gave it willingly. “Now, close your eyes and get to sleep. And promise me that you’ll be a good girl for Mama?”

“I’m always a good girl for Mama.”

“Hmm, is that so?” Tommy pinched her sweet little button nose. Well just make sure you keep it up, eh?”

He pulled the covers up over his child who was asleep the second she closed her eyes.

“_Me mangav tut, chavi_,” he murmured, ignoring the clenching of his chest.

……..

The air was still; not even a hint of a breeze could be felt. Dusk kissed the sky, readying itself for the arrival of a brand new day. A day that the man before it wouldn’t live to see.

Tommy took out his gun; it’s weight feeling strangely light in his hand. It wasn’t due to lack of bullets or anything like that. No, it was the relief that this piece of metal he held was going to end his own life. It was going to free him from the anguish that haunted him. He wondered at that moment how many of the men who had met their death at his hands found inner peace? He wondered how many of the men in the seconds before they felt his bullet pierce their skin thanked God that they were finally about to be freed from their living hell on earth?

Cocking the gun, Tommy put it to his temple and closed his eyes. His finger reached for the trigger and his hand shook as he attempted to squeeze. You and your daughter flashed through his mind. A brief image of you stood over his grave, dressed in black and weeping. He shook it from his mind angrily. No. This was for the best. Gritting his teeth, he willed himself to do it.

“Tommy,” a voice murmured quietly in his ear. A voice he hadn’t heard in many years. A voice he was certain he had almost forgotten. “Put the gun down, my darling.”

“It hurts, Mum,” his bottom lip wobbled as he felt her cold hand brush against his cheek.

“I know it does. But this won’t help,” she spoke softly. “I know better than anyone that it doesn’t help.”

“Is it not nice there?” he begged to know.

“It’s beautiful,” he heard rather than saw his mother’s smile. “But not as beautiful as watching your children grow. And it’s certainly not beautiful watching the people you love mourn for you.”

“I can’t do it anymore,” a single tear fell as he clenched his jaw tightly. So tight that one of his back teeth cracked.

“Look at me, my love.”

Tommy opened his eyes and there she was. Just as he remembered her. She wore the navy dress she had worn when she had taken him and Arthur to Wolverhampton for the day. John was a small baby and her two older sons had been feeling neglected, so he had been left with Polly for the day. It had taken so long on the train, and he and Arthur had fought all the way there. But she never raised her voice or lost her temper. She just told them calmly that family had to be kind to one another. She made them shake hands like little gentlemen and set their differences aside. She had smiled so much that day. Her eyes had twinkled and her hair had fallen out of its bun; the dark strands flowing down her back carefree and happy just like her. She had bought them each a small painted wooden toy soldier from the toy shop with money she had saved away from their father. She had run through the street with him and Arthur, playing cowboys and not caring about the frowns cast at them. When they returned home that night under the cover of darkness, their father had been waiting. Drunk and mad, he had quickly wiped the smile from her face, just as he did most days. But over the years, Tommy had always remembered the unadulterated joy that had radiated from her during that day.

“You have so much to live for, darling,” his mother smiled, her hair long and untamed just as it had been on that day. “You have so many people who love you. Two of them are waiting for you just across that field. You can’t leave them.”

“I have to,” Tommy implored her to understand. “They’re the reason that I have to do this, Mum. I can’t be who they need. It’s too fucking hard.”

“You’re wrong, Thomas,” his mum shook her head sadly. “You’re all they need and more. And they’re all you need. Everything else is superfluous. Focus on them and the rest will fall into place eventually. Let them be your strength, just as you’re theirs.”

“I can’t.”

“You can, my darling,” his mother smiled.

“Tommy? Who are you talking to?” your quiet voice spoke as you stepped towards him.

“Where’s she gone?” Tommy’s eyes darted around wildly.

“Who?”

“She was just here,” her muttered, spinning around in a circle.

“Tommy,” you grabbed by the shoulders, keeping him still. “There’s no one here; only you. What are you doing out here?”

Tommy frowned at your words. He blinked. And again. His mother was gone. Maybe she really hadn’t ever been here. But you were. In the cold, dressed only in your thin dressing gown, your hair mussed from sleep. You were here; your face etched with concern and your worried eyes filled with love for him.

Clearing his throat, he uncocked the gun in his hand and smiled at you.

“I heard a noise so I came out to investigate,” he lied easily. Lies always fell easy from Tommy Shelby’s lips.

“Oh,” you narrowed your eyes at him. Something didn’t sit right but you just couldn’t place the feeling in your gut.

“Come on, let’s go back into the house it’s cold,” he reached for your hand.

You allowed him to lead you across the dew soaked field, unable to rid yourself of the strange feeling. Tommy took your hand and kissed it reverently.

“I love you,” he murmured.

As he pushed open the back door to allow you in, he turned briefly and that’s when he saw her. She smiled at him before she was gone. But he knew she would remain close by. But she had no need to worry. Family was his strength. And family would get him through this. They would be his ray of sunshine on every darkest day. From now until the end of his days. 


End file.
